


Paradox

by shujeong



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Falling In Love, Friends With Benefits, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining, Twitter, Writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-01-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:33:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22176340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shujeong/pseuds/shujeong
Summary: Maybe Joshua just has a really bad taste in men.
Relationships: Hong Jisoo | Joshua & Yoon Jeonghan, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 4
Kudos: 91





	Paradox

**Author's Note:**

> this was completely self-indulgent. i haven't written narrative for a while so please forgive me
> 
> [i have a (filo) au on twitter as well if you'd like to check it out](https://twitter.com/yoonhongcheonsa/status/1152935882099314688)

**“** I think I just met my soulmate." Joshua announces. Vernon raises a brow at him. "You think every cute guy you meet is your soulmate."

"Aha! But that's the thing," Joshua crosses his arms, "we didn't even meet." He sounded proud, which... um, okay.

Vernon frowns, "Do I laugh or what?" and sighs, "'cause that sounds hella sad dude."

"Okay fine it might sound sad but he was at the same workshop as I was!" The older exclaims. Vernon's expression doesn't change. "Sure, but did he even like, know you were also breathing in the same space as he was?"

Joshua pouts, "Ugh, I guess not. I think he saw me but it was like a glance if anything. I don't know his name though?

A sigh escapes Vernon's lips. "Good luck man." He watches Joshua groan frustratedly.

*

Months later, Joshua's circle of friends— namely (of course) Vernon, Seungcheol, Soonyoung, Wonwoo, and Mingyu— suggested that Joshua come to a writing class. He agreed.

He liked writing, and basically thanked it since it was the reason he saw that super cute, really hot guy at the workshop back then, so why not.

A notification popped up on his phone and it was a direct message on Twitter.

_"hi, i saw that you're in a writing class and i wanted to sign up for it but i don't really have the time. i just wanted to ask how it's going? i'm considering joining when I'm available."_

The icon of the one who messaged him is a person with their back to the camera. Casual clothes and... blond hair? Also, they seem to be looking at the ocean in the picture. The display name is just the angel emoji.

He has no idea who this is but he'll reply anyway. And if they're asking about the writing class, they're most likely from the same university Joshua attends anyway.

_"hey, it's going pretty good actually. it can get a little busy, but i think it's worthwhile."_

After a few minutes, he gets another message.

_"thank you, and i'm sorry, i don't mean to sound like a stalker or anything but i noticed your icon and you seem familiar. we go to the same university so i guess that might be the reason but i think i've seen you somewhere else."_

Joshua shrugs even though there's no one to see it.

_"I go to events sometimes if that helps"_

_"actually, sorry, that's really vague"_

_"i go to workshops usually. have you ever been to one?"_

_Workshops?_

_"workshops? i went to one a few months ago"_

_"hold on. i'll send you a picture of me with my friends at a workshop"_

_[image]_

_"the one with the blonde hair is me btw"_

"Holy motherfucking motherfucker fucking shit." Joshua whispers. _CUTE HOT DUDE?_

_"that's you?"_

_"uh, yeah. why?"_

_"that workshop I was talking about, you were there too"_

_"also"_

Should he do it?

_"you're cute"_

He did it.

_"wow"_

_"thanks ;)"_

_"you're cuter."_

And I oop—

_"It's just the truth"_

_Stop this. I'm weak._

_"i'm cuter in person. just kidding."_

_"do you have facebook?"_

_"i don't doubt that babe."_

_"yeah. name's yoon jeonghan."_

_Oh my god. Babe. Yoon Jeonghan. Babe._

_"alright, you could probably guess what my name is (my first name at least) so yeah"_

_"cool. we'll talk to each other on messenger then. is that okay?"_

_"yeah it's okay"_

_"then i'll talk to you later, joshua"_

_":)"_

*

Things went pretty well from there. Of course Joshua went and sent a message to his squad's group chat about what had transpired.

_"see? he's my soulmate"_

*

Joshua flirted with Jeonghan, _a lot,_ and Jeonghan flirted back too. He even sent selfies from time to time. He definitely sent more than Joshua did.

Eventually, they decided to meet up for the first time. An actual meeting.

The meet-up was good. It was short due to their respective schedules, but not awkward. It wasn't hard to talk to each other face to face. And Joshua sighed in relief.

He had given Jeonghan a little present upon the moment they saw each other. It was a bookmark with a cherub on it— and yes, the design was literally heavenly.

_"Because you look like one." Joshua had said. Jeonghan only shook his head and shrugged in response. "Whatever you say."_

_He also tapped Joshua's shoulder and said, "I should warn you though. I may look like an angel to you but I lie, and most of the time, very, very well."_

_Joshua stared at him closely, "But the eyes, my love, they never lie."_

_Jeonghan looked at Joshua's lush lips, "Mine can."_

Weeks later and it was nearing Jeonghan's birthday.

_"i have two exams on that day. happy fucking birthday to me."_

_"it's your birthday on october 4?"_

_"unfortunately"_

_"watch me, i'll be the first to greet you"_

And Joshua was, in fact, the first to greet Jeonghan just like he'd promised. Literally texted him at midnight.

He sent Jeonghan a sweet and cute message, cheering him on (Jeonghan was having a not-so-good time in terms of academics) and saying he'll always be there when Jeonghan needs him. He also gave a couple of highlighters. Jeonghan loves highlighters.

After exam week, Jeonghan invited Joshua to come over at his place. At this point, they'd become quite close and effortlessly talked about their shared interest (i.e. writing).

Jeonghan was asking him a bunch of questions about what he wanted to do, if he wanted to go somewhere, blah blah blah.

But then—

_"lmao i'm treating this like it's a date"_

_"is it not, babe? ;)"_

_"you want it to be, don't you? ;)"_

_"is that an offer? cause if yes, then yes, hannie"_

_"wait, you're serious?"_

_"i'll be the one to offer then"_

_"wanna go out on a date with me?"_

_"sure"_

_"wait"_

_"is this platonic or?"_

_"sorry, i don't really go on dates"_

_"wait"_

_"uh"_

_"don't worry tho i just wanna hang out with you"_

_"but how am i not supposed to like you?"_

_"what?"_

_"why would you like me?"_

_"why not?"_

_"there's not much you know about me and i'm not boyfriend material"_

_"hence the date"_

_"i do like u. yeah i don't know well enough to say i legit like-like you so we're gonna have a getting to know u date"_

_"but i'm sure it's not platonic"_

_"oh"_

_"sorry it's just that i've been confessed to before but i'm not that great at handling it"_

_"it's okay hannie"_

_"but i wanna say something"_

_"?"_

_"shua, you're really kind and sweet. i was happy when i met you cause i really wanted to hang out with people who weren't my classmates. but when you mentioned the date thing i was surprised because all those times we flirted and shit, i thought you were just joking so i played along. i really like how we are now and i don't want us to stop talking completely. sorry, i know i may be getting ahead of myself but i think about shit like this in advance cause idk i just can't help it cause all the possibilities are there. dating in general is more of on the negative for me but i'll see. friends with benefits is okay but actual dating is highly questionable because college is everything to me right now. i just don't want you to be hurt or anything. just wanna be honest with you"_

_"i think it won't hurt to try instead of waiting for something to happen (for me, i mean)"_

_"but yeah college is everything"_

_"i'm relieved we're on the same page"_

*

Joshua only kept falling for him. Jeonghan was always nice, always good to Joshua. He checked on him, made sure that he ate well, that he slept, and even helped with his study habits. Jeonghan was a gentleman, and he gave the best hugs. And _oh,_ the pet names. He always called Joshua _baby, bunny, sunshine,_ and once and never again (because Joshua almost fainted), _princess_. Joshua felt like Jeonghan was spoiling him more than vice versa. Jeonghan was everything he wanted. And Jeonghan's kindness wasn't the playboy type, it was the genuine one wherein he would wait until Joshua got into a bus, and only walked back inside his condo when the bus was out of sight. He would demand that Joshua text him when he got home. He calmly called Joshua when Joshua said he felt unsafe and anxious in a cab one time. Joshua didn't need to say anything, Jeonghan already knew what he needed, and he gave it to him without hesitation each and every time.

Some say Jeonghan is Joshua's unofficial boyfriend.

Jeonghan knew about Joshua's actual ex-boyfriends though, and he wished to incinerate them. Joshua was honestly the closest to heaven that he would ever be (yes, _Iris_ ) and they dare crush him like he had no feelings. He was trying so hard to keep Joshua away from harm because he never wanted to make Joshua cry the way his past "sweethearts" made him cry. Hearing Joshua talk about his relationships was absolute horror. It had Jeonghan's blood boiling in the end but Joshua kissed his forehead and Jeonghan held him tight in return.

They went from friends who really care about each other to friends who really care about each other and just happen to kiss sometimes.

They were make-out buddies, physical pals, dunno how to fucking term this _—_ whatever.

Their first kiss happened at Jeonghan's condo, it was almost midnight, and they had a long and quiet conversation before that.

Jeonghan talked about how yes, they could be friends with benefits, but **_nothing_** will ever happen. It's guaranteed by Jeonghan himself and even said that, _"You could ask any of my friends. They'd say the same thing."_

_"We'll never be anything more than this. I can never give you what you want."_

_"It's okay. I'm totally fine with it."_

_"You're completely sure? Because I could—“_

_"Kiss anyone and it wouldn't mean anything. Yeah, you've mentioned that before."_

_Jeonghan nodded, "Told you, not boyfriend material."_

_"You're boyfriend material in every other way."_

_He smiled, it's bittersweet but a tad bit more bitter, "You're just saying that because you apparently like me."_

_"I_ do _like you. But I'm okay with this arrangement. I promise." Joshua paused. "And you can't hurt nor break me."_

Jeonghan wondered what that meant. He's a psychology major, and regardless, he can safely say that it's impossible to not hurt or break someone if love or something akin to it is involved.

He just accepted all that Joshua said that night.

But at one point, their faces got really close and Joshua was staring at him the whole time during their conversation, glancing at Jeonghan's lips every once in a while. It was kinda only a matter of time before Joshua leaned in and actually and finally kissed Jeonghan. They both liked it. Thoroughly.

And this is how it starts.

*

So yeah, they made out sometimes. No biggie.

Except it was.

Joshua hung out with Jeonghan one day at their university. They were outside Jeonghan's next class, along with his fellow peers.

One of those peers knew who Joshua was— she was a former classmate of his. She was surprised to see them together, but she vaguely knew what was going on even when neither of them said anything. However, the first thing she thought (like everyone else did) was that they were together. Jeonghan and Joshua, in all their eyes, were lovers who had no label.

Jeonghan's squad knew exactly who Joshua was, but only through Jeonghan of course. They knew him as _Joshua: Jeonghan's friend who likes Jeonghan._

That day was pretty normal. Jeonghan's peers and friends talked to Joshua and everyone was just having a good time.

Jeonghan wasn't having a good time a week later.

He was with Jihoon, his classmate and yes, a member of his squad. They were at his dorm having a lunch break.

"By the way, Jeonghan," Jihoon placed a mug on the table, "Chan and I were talking about you and Joshua when we were waiting for that class to leave the room."

"Oh yeah? What were you saying about us?" Jeonghan wiggled his eyebrows, taking another bite of his burger.

"He really, really likes you." He raised a brow, "Okay? We've already established that he likes me." Jeonghan was basically unbothered by Jihoon's obvious comment, until—

"He's low-key in love with you."

_What?_

"What?" He was looking at Jihoon now. There were alarm bells ringing in his head. "Bro, he's really into you. Sometimes you weren't even talking that day and he was looking at you with heart eyes."

Jeonghan snorted. "Heart eyes, Jesus."

"I'm serious! You know I don't exaggerate. You were _breathing_ and his eyes were practically sparkling."

He shook his head but both his mind and heart were racing, "I still think the "in love" bit is a bit much. You know that _like, love,_ and being _in love_ are different things."

Jihoon didn't exactly back down. "Yeah, I do know. And I'm standing by what I said."

Jeonghan sighed and put his burger down. His hands were slightly shaking. "So, what did Chan say then?"

"He said he was worried about Joshua." He tilted his head and clasped his hands together under the table in hopes of stopping them from shaking more, "Why?"

"Because he said, _"Jeonghan won't change in a year and Joshua already likes him so much."_ And I gotta say, I agree with him."

He nodded, "I agree with the "won't change in a year" part. But you can't really say that for sure. You also know I don't trust something said about someone unless the aforementioned person says it themselves."

Jihoon leaned back in his chair, "Mhm. But I'll say this: if anything, he's not far from it."

Jeonghan couldn't finish his burger.

*

Curse Jihoon and Chan.

Jeonghan couldn't stop thinking about it. What was he supposed to do? He and Joshua have had _the_ conversation numerous times and Jeonghan had _always_ been the one to bring it up. It was the same thing over and over again:

_"Are you sure about this?"_

_"It's okay."_

_Kiss_.

Then hell sort of broke loose during Christmas season.

Jun, Jeonghan's best friend, dropped by. He was from another university and thus didn't see Jeonghan for a while. And he knocked some sense into him when he did.

Jun, just like Jeonghan's group of friends at school, knew who Joshua was. Jeonghan kept him updated, no doubt about it because _duh,_ best friends.

"You have to stop this."

Jeonghan had told him about what Jihoon and Chan said.

"If that really is the situation, you gotta stop this, Han." He knows that Jun will say more so he kept his mouth shut.

"Joshua may say that it's okay every time you guys talk, but it's still not okay. This could be bad for his mental health and despite everything, give him hope. My god, Jeonghan, you should know this— you're a _psych_ major!"

He also knows that Jun wasn't angry, just proving a point.

He understands what he was saying. That's why he decided to message Joshua.

_"shua, are you busy ?"_

_"nope"_

_"can i call you?"_

_"sure"_

Jeonghan explained everything to him. He tried to get Joshua to realize that Jeonghan's mistake was _not doing anything_. Jeonghan let things slide when he shouldn't have.

Joshua cried the moment Jeonghan said, _"We need to stop."_ and that was literally the first thing he said. So Joshua was basically crying the entire call.

And what was worse was that Joshua told him he loved him. Even worse: after the call, Joshua asked him if he ever had a chance.

Jeonghan's heart stopped, but typed out a _no_ but there was something... off.

Not about Joshua, but about himself.

When Joshua ended the call because Jeonghan told him to, he looked at Vernon who was definitely listening the entire time.

Vernon expected him to scream, but Joshua only said, "Maybe I just have a really bad taste in men."

*

Two days later, Jeonghan found out that Joshua was going on a date.

He wanted to rush to Joshua's place and tell him to hang out with him instead, but how could he say that to the person whose heart he broke?

Jeonghan had to do what he hated most in the world: he psyched himself. 

_Dealing with my own issues is not my forte._

It definitely wasn't his strong suit but he did confirm something that was haunting him ever since everything started.

_Fuck, I hoped just like he did— that something would happen._

_Why did I flirt back?_

_Because he was cute and I liked him._

_Why did I lie?_

_Because I was scared._

_Why did I continue with the dates, touched him and complimented him in every way I could?_

_Because I treasured those times and I meant everything— his smile and blush were precious and I wanted to be the reason for it._

_Why did I say nothing was ever gonna happen?_

_Because I didn't want to be the one who got left. I didn't want to be the one to be rejected. I never got rejected. I didn't want to be hurt._

_Why did I let things slide?_

_Because I love him too._

*

_"Jeonghan?"_

_"I love you too, Joshua."_


End file.
